Robowar aka Robot da guerra (1989)
Directed by: Bruno Mattei
Starring: Reb Brown, Catherine Hickland, Massimo Vanni, Romano Puppo, Claudio Fragasso, Max Laurel, Jim Gaines, John P. Dulaney, Mel Davidson
Pretty sure this situation calls for lots of machine gun fire.
Here’s the setup to Bruno Mattei’s Robowar: a bunch of melodramatic helicopter pilots are talking nonsense to their base command about some kind of malfunction, which is intercut with an opening title sequence over a red pixelated haze. Eventually we figure out that they have lost control of something called Omega-1, a robot/weapon that mumbles out electronic gobbledegook before blowing up the chopper. I know what you’re thinking – this calls for Reb Brown!
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. These films were known as 
(1977), 
(1978), and 
(1979). The fact that this guy cranked out 4 films within the span of 3 years reveals a certain carefree “attitude” on the part of the filmmaker, does it not? (You will get four Star Wars ripoffs and like them!) Oh yeah, he also directed Ator 3 (aka 
) which was not authorized by Joe D’Amato, who directed the other films in the series. But let’s not get off track – we’re here today to discuss Star Odyssey, an inept, hilarious piece of space trash that, if nothing else, establishes Brescia (who uses the pseudonym Al Bradly) as the Italian Ed Wood (well, at least until Bruno Mattei stole the crown).
, 
, and 
featuring silly talking robots, horrible acting, bad dubbing, and excruciating repetitive synth soundtracks. The fact that nobody in the film has any screen presence, acting skills, or camera-appeal only adds to the hilarity of watching “good guy” cowboy Captain Coldyron (Richard Gesswein) recite Milton in voiceover like a high school kid forced to read from his literature textbook. Characters mumble and stumble their way through nonsensical tech-speak and absurd philosophizing in such a way that it’s extremely difficult to tell whether the whole thing is a slick parody or it’s just dialogue written by people who have never picked up an ethics or philosophy textbook, and have never heard an actual scientist speak (or have seen one, for that matter – we’ll get to that in a minute). Perhaps I’m wrong though – perhaps writer/director Cullen Blaine is just putting us on – in which case I say well played, my friend. Brilliant, in fact.
becomes 
starring Amy Weber (Son of the Beach, WWE wrestling), 
, 
becomes 
(with C. Thomas Howell and Judd Nelson!), etc. These films are affectionately termed “mockbusters” – they’re more like porno parodies of major hits (you know, like Pirates, Edward Penishands, Beyond Thunderbone, etc.), except without the porn part, which is kinda disappointing, but I digress.